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You know, it's a funny thing. Every one of the bastards that are out for legalizing marijuana is Jewish. What the Christ is the matter with the Jews, Bob? What is the matter with them? I suppose it is because most of them are psychiatrists.

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Previous Installments

  1. Week 1, Week 11
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  8. Week 8
  9. Week 9
  10. Week 10

June 29th, 2015

Rand Paul: Government Should Get Out of the Marriage Business Altogether.

Trump says famous hair will get new look in White House:

Donald Trump says if he gets elected president, he would have to change his hair style because he wouldn't have time to maintain it, as he would be working his butt off in the White House.

"I would probably comb my hair back. Why? Because this thing is too hard to comb," he said. "I wouldn't have time, because if I were in the White House, I'd be working my ass off."

Ted Cruz and Karl Rove are having a spat:

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) is in a feud with Karl Rove, who is angry with the presidential candidate for suggesting Rove questioned former President George H.W. Bush’s mental faculties.

Rove, Cruz writes in his new book, “suggested that the elder Bush was too old to have good judgment anymore,” a characterization Cruz said he was “offended” by, according to an excerpt published on Breitbart News. 

Then, Cruz adds, Rove “pulled out the hammer” by implying that President George W. Bush would endorse Cruz’s potential opponent if he went public about a donation from President George H.W. Bush.  

“I am accustomed to being criticized for others’ political benefit, but am disappointed in how Senator Cruz decided to raise the name of one of the finest presidents our country has ever known, President George H.W. Bush.”

Rove’s statement also adds that Cruz continued to seek his advice after the phone call, chiding the presidential hopeful for a lack of experience.

“One piece of advice I offered was that he should stop describing himself as the “next Marco Rubio,” since he did not have Senator Rubio’s outstanding legislative record of accomplishments as speaker of the Florida House of Representatives,” Rove writes.

Cruz-McConnell relations are also rather low:

Sen. Ted Cruz is suggesting current Majority Leader Mitch McConnell misled him about the objectives of the National Republican Senatorial Committee last cycle.

The Texas Republican’s vice chairmanship of the party campaign committee was always a bit mysterious, and in his new book to be released Tuesday, Cruz contends that McConnell, the longtime Kentucky senator who faced perhaps the most vociferous tea party primary challenger of the year, said the NRSC would not be defending its own incumbents.

PPP: On our Michigan poll over the weekend we polled all 16 GOP candidates for the first time- congrats to Jindal and Pataki on polling at 0.

Ouch!

Sheldon Adelson is considering backing Lindsey Graham this cycle. If you're wondering why, Graham and Adelson are extreme hawks who are staunchly pro-Israel and want to bomb everything. Adelson wants the hawkish platform to get the appropriate exposure it deserves, and funding Graham is the way to do it.

If you're an insufferably corny and liberal individual who also plans on using a BBQ quite often this summer, well, I have the perfect thing for you! This, too!

More on Ted Cruz - this time about him watching hardcore porn with Sandra Day O'Connor:

"We were in front of a large computer screen gazing at explicit, hard-core pornography," Cruz wrote.

The reason? The court was considering a case challenging a law that regulated online porn. The clerks were older and not well-versed in the Internet, so court librarians set up a tutorial for the justices and their clerks on how easy it was to find porn online. Cruz watched as the librarian typed in the word "cantaloupe," though it was misspelled.

"A slew of hard-core, explicit images showed up onscreen," he wrote. "As we watched these graphic pictures fill our screens, wide-eyed, no one said a word. Except for Justice O'Connor, who lowered her head, squinted slightly, and muttered, 'Oh, my.'

NBC Cutting Ties to Donald Trump Over ‘Derogatory’ Remarks About Immigrants:

“At NBC, respect and dignity for all people are cornerstones of our values. Due to the recent derogatory statements by Donald Trump regarding immigrants, NBCUniversal is ending its business relationship with Mr. Trump. To that end, the annual Miss USA and Miss Universe Pageants, which are part of a joint venture between NBC and Trump, will no longer air on NBC. In addition, as Mr. Trump has already indicated, he will not be participating in The Apprentice on NBC. Celebrity Apprentice is licensed from Mark Burnett’s United Artists Media Group and that relationship will continue.”

Bobby Jindal's latest campaign slogan: 'Tanned. Rested. Ready.':

"Tanned. Rested. Ready."

That's the slogan on Gov. Bobby Jindal's first official campaign shirt. And yes, "tanned" is supposed to be a reference to Jindal's brown skin tone.

"The liberal media that developed this week was disgusting: Apparently Bobby isn't brown enough for them," wrote Timmy Teepell, Jindal's campaign manager, in an email to supporters.

"Well, this will make the left even more upset. We are now selling the first limited edition t-shirt of the campaign, and I want you to know about it."

I honestly love that "upsetting the left" is a campaign goal, and is actually a pretty good summation of the GOP's entire policy platform these days.

137 pages worth of polling data is released by The Economist/YouGov. There's a broad range of topics covered here, so it's worth a look.

Ben Carson, thankfully, realized that he had a fucking ugly ass logo so he switched it to something less god awful.

More Trump fallout -- Local brewery turns off the tap for Trump:

“We would be doing an injustice to the community we serve (and live in) by engaging in business with someone who does not accept our role in society and expresses a rhetoric of hate and ignorance towards us,” Araya wrote in a statement to WBEZ Monday.

“On a personal level, if I did, one of the things that scares me the most is sending the wrong message to my daughters. We are active members of this immigrant community and we need to stand up for ourselves, and more importantly, for those who do not have the voice or means to do so. The very foundation of the United States of America was built on acceptance and inclusion. That is what drew us here, and that´s what why we feel so strongly about this.”

“As a company, an integral part of our vision reads that we are ‘not only based in, but also look to promote a strong and positive image of Latin America, its heritage and people.’

It would be hypocritical of us to sustain the relationship.” 


June 30th, 2015

Christie is in. Will he be the nominee? Fat chance.

Jeb Bush to Release 33 Years of Tax Returns:

The decision to release more than three decades of financial information comes as Mr. Bush aims to demonstrate he is more transparent and accessible than his opponents, particularly Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton. She has filed the financial disclosure form required for presidential candidates but has not made her tax returns public.

2016 Presidential Hopeful Ted Cruz Auditions For “The Simpsons.” This is a crime against humanity.

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PPP: Trump near top of pack in Michigan, Clinton leads GOP field:

PPP's newest Michigan poll finds a four way cluster at the top of the Republican field- Scott Walker's at 15%, with Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, and Donald Trump all right behind at 14%. Marco Rubio at 9%, Mike Huckabee at 8%, Chris Christie and Ted Cruz at 5%, and Rand Paul at 4% also all make the top 9. Rounding out the field are Carly Fiorina and John Kasich at 3%, Rick Santorum at 2%, Lindsey Graham and Rick Perry at 1%, and Bobby Jindal and George Pataki with less than 1%.

As he enters the race today Christie continues to be by far and away the most unpopular of the Republican hopefuls. Only 25% see him favorably to 54% who have a negative opinion. The dislike of Christie is nothing ideological- moderates (26/49), 'somewhat conservative' voters (28/53), and 'very conservative' voters (17/66)- alike have very dim views of him.

HuffPo has Trump currently leading candidates in the GOP primaries.

Noted moron Cliven Bundy unsurprisingly endorses Rand Paul.

Ben Carson has a creative way of dealing with this same-sex nastines:

I hope it will be revisited because the reason that we have separation of powers is to prevent runaway courts, runaway executive branch, runaway legislative branch. The laws are made by the legislative branch. And, you know, you can make a law to negate virtually anything, you just have to be creative in the way that you do it. So no, I don’t think it’s over by any stretch of the imagination.

Donald Trump has a van.

Donald Trump sues Univision for $500 million:

Donald Trump filed a $500 million lawsuit against Univision on Tuesday for breach of contract and defamation, making good on last week's promise to punish the network for reneging on what he described as an "iron-clad" $13.5-million contract for broadcast rights to Trump's Miss Universe Organization pageants.

The lawsuit, which was filed with the New York State Supreme Court, states that Univision and the Miss Universe Organization, which Trump co-owns, had reached an agreement in January that included the rights to broadcast the Miss USA, Miss Teen USA and the Miss Universe competition from 2015 through 2019. Univision agreed to pay $2.5 million per year until 2017, and $3 million per year for 2018 and 2019, and to make “reasonable efforts” to broadcast it over two to three hours on a Sunday night.

In a statement, Trump said Univision’s’ decision not to broadcast the pageant was politically motivated and an attempt to suppress his freedom of speech: “Nothing that I stated was different from what I have been saying for many years. I want strong borders, and I do not support or condone illegal immigration," Trump said in part

Jeb! released 33 years worth of tax returns today. Best piece of information revealed so far? He purchased $77,000 of Lehman Brothers stock... in July of 2008. It gets better: he sold it all for a whopping 54 dollars. Fret not, since he's made ~10 million just off of speaking fees.


July 1st, 2015

More Trump fallout, this time from Macy's.

CNN/ORC poll has Hillary continuing to dominate the GOP field. Trump is polling very strongly with the 65+ age group.

Pataki kicks a dead guy in the nuts:

“You turn on the TV, go on the internet, it seems the news in this country and around the world gets worse every day. You know, things are so bad, they’re starting to remind me of New York when I ran against Mario Cuomo,” he said, to a mixture of laughter and “oohs.”

Card Breach at Trump Hotel Properties:

The Trump Hotel Collection, a string of luxury hotel properties tied to business magnate and now Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump, appears to be the latest victim of a credit card breach, according to data shared by several U.S.-based banks.

Contacted regarding reports from sources at several banks who traced a pattern of fraudulent debit and credit card charges to accounts that had all been used at Trump hotels, the company declined multiple requests for comment.

But sources in the financial industry say they have little doubt that Trump properties in several U.S. locations — including Chicago, Honolulu, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Miami, and New York — are dealing with a card breach that appears to extend back to at least February 2015.

"Look what the President of NBC sent me recently about his stay in my Las Vegas hotel. Very loyal guy." ~Donald Trump

Trump defends inflammatory comments, asks 'Who is doing the raping?':

"If you go to Fusion, you will see a story: About 80% of the women coming in, you know who owns Fusion? Univision! Go to Fusion and pick up the stories on rape. It's unbelievable when you look at what's going on. So all I'm doing is telling the truth," Trump said.

Lemon replied that the press stories are about women being raped, but not about criminals coming across the border.

"Well, somebody's doing the raping, Don! I mean somebody's doing it! Who's doing the raping? Who's doing the raping?" he asked.

Breaking news: both Jeb and Barry are not fans of peas in guacamole.


July 2nd, 2015

Bernie Sanders draws crowd of 10,000 at Wisconsin rally.

Bernie has raised ~15 million dollars within the past 2 months:

The sum represents a third of what Hillary Rodham Clinton’s campaign reported raising by going after high-dollar donors. Instead, Mr. Sanders appealed largely to grassroots donors who could give smaller amounts to finance his candidacy.

The figure is surprisingly large for a fund-raising effort that has been primarily from small donors. And it will allow Mr. Sanders to air ads introducing himself to voters, as well hire staff that could help him maintain his candidacy.

Aides to Mr. Sanders said that since April 30, nearly 400,000 contributions had come into the campaign, with 99 percent of those donations in increments of $250 or less*.

*this HuffPo article cites 87% of donations < 250, so I'm not sure which one is correct.

'Professional Suicide': Donald Trump's Big Mouth Chews Hole in His Wallet:

Ever since Donald Trump made his anti-immigrant tirade during his 2016 presidential bid announcement, he's lost partnerships with many large companies including Univision, NBC Universal and Macy's.

While the strategy may have given him a bump in political popularity — he trails only front runner Jeb Bush in the latest CNN/ORC national poll of GOP presidential hopefuls — several public relations and brand strategists believe the statements will severely affect Trump's businesses and personal brand, with one industry insider, who asked to remain anonymous, saying it was "the equivalent of professional suicide."

"For businesses and brands, it's one thing to be associated with a divisive and disrespectful force that you don't as a company believe in, but when you combine that with moronic behavior it's a double whammy," said Lenny Stern, former political consultant and partner at agency SS+K. "It's the idiocy of his statements and how he's handled it."

Judge Hands Down Potentially Crushing Ruling Against Donald Trump In Racketeering Lawsuit:

A civil racketeering lawsuit against Donald Trump can proceed as a class action, a federal judge has ruled, in a major incremental victory for a former student accusing him of running a bogus investment university.

The ruling by Judge Gonzalo Curiel means that a California businessman named Art Cohen can sue Donald Trump on behalf of anybody who bought seminars from Trump University after January 2007.

That lawsuit accuses Donald Trump and his university of violating federal racketeering law by scheming to defraud students into paying thousands of dollars for useless real estate investing classes.

Curiel's ruling is a big deal because it is generally not worth a lawyer's time to pursue a case like this on behalf of one person. Now, Cohen is representing thousands of people who were allegedly duped by Trump University, according to court documents filed by his attorneys.

NYC to review Trump contracts after controversial remarks:

New York City officials are reviewing the city's contracts with Donald Trump after statements the GOP presidential hopeful made about Mexican immigrants.

A spokeswoman for Mayor Bill de Blasio said Wednesday that the review is currently ongoing. The probe follows controversial statements Trump made at his presidential kickoff event last week.

GOP candidates share their take on Trump.

Jim Webb is, seemingly out of nowhere, now in the 2016 race.

Scott Walker's campaign is basically really stupid:

Welcome to the first glimpse of the official campaign logo. Over the next 9 days, you'll get a chance to see the logo one piece at a time and it's only going to be on Instagram. If you're excited to see what lies ahead, like, share, regram and tag your friends and get ready for Scott Walker for President. #logo #design #election #GOP #Republican #Conservative


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